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Scary Huh? Yep, that's me... the original picture I had here is kinda outdated, because I no longer have the much adored mop of curly locks - *shakes fist to the heavens* DAMN YOU FOOD SERVICE!!!!!
Okay, well, I suppose you are wondering, "Okay, who is this guy, and can I have sex with him?" Well, my name is Joshua Collins, the token male in the chaos we love to call Random Questions. As to part b of the afore mentioned inquiry: Personal studies show that if I am looking like I am above, then most likely the answer is yes.
But for those ladies that were asking that question, sorry... if you haven't noticed the fact that I am the hombre solomente in the above organization and if haven't already questioned that, then you are just totally dense. That's right, atop of being the token male lust model, I am the token psychologist (what did you think I was going to say, I was the token gay? *scoffs sarcastically as he turns on Queer as Folk*)
Anyway, I am guessing we established this website to show each other and the world WHO THE FRELL WE ARE! So, enclosed is a nice biography, in my normal ranting, spastic style. Likewise, as soon as I find my other film chit in my car, I will start uploading pictures of me and my happenings as they happen, and possibly pictures of all those freaky people I interact with. I am sure this thing will blossom as soon as I learn how to do advanced HTML and junk like that, but for now, you will settle for the product of Microsoft FrontPage screwing me in the ass with a red hot poker. *Ashkta, I swear, did Rhal invent FP during the cold war as the secret weapon against Communist Russia? It hurts me so.....*
...
Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. Okay, as for who I am. ME! (and not Microsoft Explorer ME, but *makes a overdramatic thumb gesture at himself* ME!)
I was born in some little military base just outside of Tuscan, Arizona to my loving parentals, Michael and Elizabeth. Supposedly, (and I say supposedly, cause I don't remember anything during this time) we moved to a little burb in California called Chico (you know, the place where Bob Dole fell off the stage during his election campaign), then quickly migrated south to the infamous San Francisco - that's right the West Coast's land of debauchery and corruption! Here, I experienced not only the cultural diversity, but also going to school in the ghetto (there was barbed wire on the fence surrounding the playground. Oh yeah, and I learned how to be mistrustful of the very ground you walk on! "Picture it, Sicily, 1929... oh wait, San Francisco, 1989, There you are there, sitting in your very own lawn playing with your Transformers then suddenly you are watching your car leap from side to side along with every other car in the parking lot... yep... Fat Albert came to town... errr... no... Earthquake... I get those two so easily confused.
Now my mother, she can be crazy at times... then again, so can the Dhali Lama, but I must commend her for her grasp of focus and fortitude in spite of the situation... she packed the house up and three days later we were out of town (NOTE TO READER: If you haven't caught on, I am prone to bouts of exaggeration, so bear that in mind when reading this) and on the way to the heart of New Mexico... that town no one can spell to save their life... Alburqurquequequequqque. Here *pauses and stares into the distance in thought* What did happen in NM? Umm... ummm... I went to school and gambled... legally... oh that and generally ran amok around military housing... Oh, I also experienced for the first time snow... and how it can keep you blockaded inside your house for a day (and for someone who has ADHD and a lust for running around and bumping into trees, I NEED THE OUT OF DOORS!!!)
Well, aside from meeting one of the strangest people in the world (aside from E.E Cummings of course), and longest running friend in my lifetime there in the Southwest, I was dragged once again to a small po-dunk town that I will forever consider home... Panama City, Florida. Why Panama City? Well, when my father retired from the military, he took a dart *no lie* and threw it at a map of the United States, and it landed directly between Ft. Walton and Panama City. So, we checked them both out, and voila, PC won, Here, for the first time in my life, I was able to establish myself as someone, rather than be someone who never knew if he were to be staying yet another day in that town. (Inner thought: Perhaps that is the reason for my withdraw into introversion... military life forced me scream my existence to leave my mark, whereas, in PC I sought to leave a longer lasting mark on society... NAAAAA, it was the fact that Middle School SUCKEDMYBUTT and made me hate people in general so I opted not to talk to them.)
But I digress. Now that you have a grasp of my writing style, and a sense of my background (yes, I did leave out some rather juicy near death experiences, but alack, I do not dwell on death)
Life in Panama City: Okay, well, like I said, Middle School was the worst time in my natural life. For those who still have those years close in their memory, scratch at that scar with me and let the memory fester while I educate those adults out there who have successfully suppressed those memories, this way they can warn their children. Well, basically, here's the rundown - everyone... that's right... everyone hated everyone else. And not in the High School cliquish sort of hate, but the sort that involves large blunt objects, SWAT teams, and Mel Gibson in a kilt with an army of Scotsman behind him. And sense I had long suppressed my latent aggression (Before such burial of fiery emotion, I had broken many a friend's limbs over small things) and I wore glasses and was even remotely intelligent, guess who got picked on.... that's right, Ralph Wiggum... no seriously, me. With this, I turned to the only thing that would protect me from the horrors of the world... ACTING. That's right, where else can likewise ostracized children turn and withdraw from society into various worlds of imagination as someone else? YAY FOR DRAMA.... errr rather, THEATRE, cause well, I don't do drama... drama bad.
For all those parents out there, do not fret, no your young male children will not turn into little Drama Queens, well not all of them *evil grin* most of them will become Quarterbacks of Junior High Football and become a social butterfly at an early age where they will drink their first drink and smoke their first joint at an early age. At least, with we of the "dark side", most of us wait until high school for all that. Again with the digression... yes, your children will most likely become normal functional and prosperous individuals... and knock up some teenager at the age of sixteen... that's the price for normalcy I suppose...
*Ponders if he should have put up the "Bitter Sarcasm" alert, then scoffs and moves along*
Okay, High School came around and ooooohhhh.... within a blink of an eye, I was one of the "popular kids" for I was part of the elitist organization AICE *spits on reflex*. For those of you who are totally in the dark on this dictatorship, it is basically I.B. (I am sure 99% of you know what IB is) but from Cambridge rather than Oxford. Upon selling my soul to England and to the leader of the Fourth Reich, Mrs. Reach, my life was dictated for FOUR long years. Out of 32 classes, I got to chose three. Drama, Drama, and Creative Writing.... and because I just got four IM windows pop up on me... I have no idea where I was going from here............
Oh, yeah, well HS was a blast, save eleventh grade I think (don't worry parents, it wasn't anything social, it was because AICE made it the hardest year of all of our lives. But Drama made it all okay. That is Old School Drama... back when we had Crazy Bob and MattandAmy (that's right, MattandAmy... they were an autonomous unit) not the "Oh lets do a musical cause Everyone loves a musical" days of drama. Here I met once again, a few of my most sacred of friends - Veronica (whom I knew in Middle School, but remember what I said, EVERYONE HATED EVERYONE ELSE *or thought that way at least*) and Noel. There are a few others during this generation, but for sake of webspace, I will leave their names out, but you guys, you know who you are *Holds up Tenchi Muyo in Love in the air like Liono with the Sword of Thundara - in the background the insane Wednesday Posse leap forth striking a Victory Pose*
Here too... I found Web-Based Porn and how easy it was to gain access despite 1) age verification and 2) pay sites... *insert .wav of a random RQ'er saying "Finally, we get to the Porn."
Ahh, High School, the days when I was so involved with every little thing I had no time for an outside social life (Note: Outside being involvements that did not revolve around school in some way) As for my stats, for those who want to be jealous or whatnot - I graduated 21st in my class with a weighted GPA of like 4.125... and upon this momentary reflection... I wish I knew where that GPA went to? Oh yeah... apathy.
College is the total antithesis of High School. Not only is it NOT FREE, it is NOT FUN. The only thing that got me through my first two years of "Future Management" was the most awesomest job I have had... then again I don't have much to compare, but if I ever find a job that will surpass the Black Angus, I will be sure to eat this website. Anyway, in this final leg of my development, through the night after night of going to the sketchy clubs of the Party Universe of Northern Florida, I encountered two souls who's goal it was to get me into the world... Thank you Randy and Matt.
But alas, that life was pushed behind for the sake of education (why you ask, well, I don't know... honestly, the two cost about the same... I guess it is fate... yeah... I need a good scapegoat if I end up falling flat on my face) anyway... I moved to "Lovely" Orlando, Florida and went to the infamous "YOU CAN'T FINISH!"... oh wait... I mean UCF and I started working at, of all places, SuperTarget.
Life in O-town was fun, if you totally removed the college from the picture. The town itself was interesting, a lot of young people crammed into a sector of a metropolis about the size of Panama City, all of them either drunk, high, both, or from the north (the southern air does something to a "foreigner" and makes them act high, I think). I began to come into my own, and finally took the final steps into the real me, the steps that a conservative Panama City would never have let me make. Seeing the VERY open gay community on campus made me feel much more comfortable about who I really was, although I know I do have a lot of catching up to do so to speak, but I have a lot of support in my life from my friends and family... well my immediate family that is.
However, all this good did nothing to help me pass my classes or pay my bills. SuperTarget worked me 60 hours a week during the fall semester, which was good, I was getting rent paid and bills paid. Then, come spring semester, my car gets 1000 dollars worth of work done on it cause it kept stalling on the interstate going 80 miles per hour during rush hour!!!! Anywho... atop of car work, Target cuts (read: filets) hours and I start working 10 hours a week. Oh, yeah, this is good, I can study now, but I have to look for a second job, or a better job (which there are none other than DISNEY) to make ends meet. Somewhere in here, I meet my first, I guess you can consider it a boyfriend which was cool, but because he lived 2 hours away, and I had weird work/school schedules, I barely got to see. So, one day before finals, my old job in PC called and said "We understand you may be moving home, we have a position open for you, if you want it - bartending and partial management of the restaurant" SW33T!!!! So, a week after finals, I was home and slinging drinks.
Here I am now, back in PC, was immersed in the same drama and corruption as before moving, but that ended shortly when one of my close friends nearly died from having too much fun for 20 people in one evening. But other than that, my life has calmed down. I have moved out (finally) from my parents home and into an apartment with three of my friends from school. While rent is insane, and therefore we live very frugally, we have fun... and at the same time totally piss off our downstairs neighbor when ever we cough (foul Daredevil wannabe with ears that pick up the sound of the fish in the lake across the street blinking)
This is my life thus far... I will update this frequently, I hope, seeing as I am bad about updating online junk.
Name: Joshua Allan Michael
Collins (that's right, I am Catholic... Michael is my confirmed name for those who don't understand)
Birthday: May 2, 1981 (Yep, me's a Taurus - that means, I am a lover of
exquisite things, set in my ways, and dependable.)
Location: Sitting on my bed - alone...
Religion: Well, I was raised Catholic, but because I don't see some things through their rose colored glasses, I still hold the beliefs, but not the organization.
Major: Major in College??? I am learning a trade? Wow, news to me. Here I thought I was learning the same shit over and over again and spending money to do it. But, since you asked, or didn't, I don't care which, I am learning to pick apart your brain then throw your issues back in your face and laugh because you have mental problems and I do not....... *pauses to contemplate that remark, then carries on unscathed* Oh yeah, I am also delving into the boredom that is Criminology - talk about a bunch of stuck up pricks who don't know how to think independently.
Goals in Life: Ummm... I just want to be happy.
That's all I ever want out of anything. I am a very humble person, despite my astrological sign. People don't seem to
understand I don't need to be doing something exciting to have
fun, just being in the presence of someone I care for is contentment enough, even if nothing is being said, I will
probably either have a smile on my face or at least a sparkle in my eye. The only
major goal, aside from finding an end to the gameplaying and setups from well intended
friends, is to at least stay out of poverty.
Likes: Anime, Music, Dancing, Talking about randomness, Chaos, Driving Fast,
Eating, Beaches, Randomness, Absurdity, Mel Brooks, Sci-Fi,
Theatre, Acting, Role-Playing, Scaring people, Shopping (or rather spending money in general especially if its for someone else), Writing, People Watching, Beer, White Wine, Long
Island Iced Tea, Black Lights, Italian Food, Dancing, Techno, Laughing,
Computers
Dislikes: School,
Ignorant People, Snobby People, Computers, Whiners (not to be confused with Wino's, with whom I have complete adoration), Crackheads, Slow Traffic,
Sleep, Fighting, Seafood (to an extent)
Fears: Many of my fears are connected in some weird way, like for instance, I fear large bodies of water, like oceans, lakes, some rivers, which leads to my greater fear of drowning, and going on that, the feelings of loneliness (an even greater dread of mine, for it is harder to avoid) and silence. I also fear lightning, all though I find it very beautiful at a distance... but when its directly overhead, I become a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And, lastly, this one seems very snobbish, but I fear poverty.
Hey, check it out! I am a writer. Read all ya want. Eventually I will have a place for you to leave feedback, but for now, ya can email me.
And here, take a gander at some of the fine fotos.
Lastly, a page of fine links that I think no one can do without.
Contact Me: Tameran19@yahoo.com
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